The Story Behind Lost Cactus

On a far-flung parcel of government land situated somewhere in the vast reaches of parched American Southwestern desert sits an abandoned and long-forgotten government facility known as Lost Cactus.

In 1947 the base that was to become Lost Cactus broke ground under the supervision of a mysterious character known as ‘Doc.’ However, by the mid-1950s, the base was unceremoniously purged from all government records, mothballed, abandoned and left to rot in the sweltering desert sun. Only lizards and ground squirrels remained behind to shelter beneath its decrepit facades. Or so we thought.

Since then Lost Cactus has been the subject of countless off-the-record conversations in Washington DC and beyond. However, not a single politician, military chief or journalist has ever risked their hard-earned reputation by publicly stating that something weird is going on out in the desert and survived the onslaught of laughter and derision. So if pressed on the subject, most public servants will deny any knowledge or chalk Lost Cactus up to ‘urban myth’. These are the same people greenlighting trillions in omnibus spending bills, and never questioning where the money ends up; ignorance is bliss.

The Powers That Be

The commonly held meme that Lost Cactus exists only in the minds of conspiracy theorists and crazed nut-jobs is precisely what the shadowy entity known as the ‘Powers That Be’ want everyone—from a long line of duped presidents and politicians on down to John Q. Public—to believe. Only a small handful of insiders know that the dilapidated outward appearance of the Lost Cactus base is intentionally crafted to bolster the myth that indeed, the facility has been dormant since the Eisenhower administration.

In actuality, the Powers That Be have built Lost Cactus into Earth’s first and only intergalactic laboratory and testing facility, right under the noses of an increasingly obtrusive world. Upon closer inspection, the carefully constructed facade gives way to a thriving, out-of-this-world enterprise abuzz with activity. High-tech laboratories achieve alien-inspired scientific advancements. Eye-popping aeronautics thunder above the surrounding red rock desert landscape. Ground tremors from terrifying weapons testing rattle the glassware and bottles in the nearby ghost town of Bentley’s lone cantina.

And Doc’s mysterious genetic experimentation has resulted in a host of mutant characters led by Bentley the Bee and Ty the DinosaurThere’s also Sammy, a good-natured, albeit accident prone, radioactive squirrel. General Fox is the befuddled base administrator. Penny and Otto are the staff doctor and psychiatrist, respectively. And Cato is Doc’s resourceful alien advisor. Lost Cactus is also home to a core group of scientists, security, and base personnel all sworn to secrecy, along with ubiquitous lab rats, staggering clone zombies, animated cacti, and loquacious birds, and lizards. And on occasion, a stubborn politician, celebrity, or desert wanderer who just couldn’t resist a curious peek inside the Lost Cactus perimeter.